I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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