i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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