Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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