Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
