I'm drive I can fine osifer
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
