The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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