I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize