I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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