even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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