I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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