i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
