I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my poor anus
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
