he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
zippers are such a cool invention
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Im part way to drunk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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