I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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