It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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