You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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