Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
cat food counts as protein by the way
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
