I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
