is wine microwaveable?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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