i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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