I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
