When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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