I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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