That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I still have a little drunk in my system
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
