the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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