Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
