Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
