We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
did you just send me my own nude
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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