Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
