Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
