after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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