woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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