Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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