The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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