why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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