Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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