I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
