When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
