woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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