I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
