the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
