You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
