i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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