Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
