32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
