how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
