he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
