when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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