She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
