we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
