I cockslap morals
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
