i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
