Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
