everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
