You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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