So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize