so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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