How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
