I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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