she woke up with a sticky ear
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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