when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
