when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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