This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
