Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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