the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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