when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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