You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
