I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize