dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Panties = found
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
