I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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