so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Come see our sink grown plant.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
