Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
