I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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