im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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