your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
