Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
